Taste of Happiness
by Scath Rocco Meoi
Summary: Amir meets his best friend after many years and there are some things he really needs to say, but will he have the courage to say it? How will Hassan react? AmirXHassan


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **When I started reading "The Kite Runner" I thought it was a homosexual romance but it proved not to be. XD I'm gay so I have the right to dream about it, okay? That's why I decided to write this... First it was a real challenge because I'm a woman who likes women how could I write about a man in love with another? I learned something very important with this fic, we're all humans and the way we feel is quite similar it doesn't matter if we're male or female. I hope you'll like this. Oh, and if you didn't pay attention to what's written above... **WARNING MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIP!**

**_Taste of Happiness_**

When Rahim Khan told me I should go to _baba_'s house because Hassan wanted to see me, I ran out of the apartment building and got in the first taxi that appeared in front of me.

I just couldn't wait, I had to, at least, apologize for everything… For leaving him alone, for treating him badly, for making him look like a thief. How many things had I done that hurt him? So many that I couldn't even remember… I was a coward, a bastard, an asshole, everything bad I could possibly be, or that was how I felt.

"Are you tired? Wanna stop for now?" the driver was looking at me with the weirdest expression I had ever seen and I realized I had been crying.

"I'll pay three times more if you don't stop." I said, I couldn't bear waiting one more second. He nodded and continued driving.

Through the window I watched the new Afghanistan passing by, but the new was a lot worse than the older… The land where I had lived so many moments with Hassan, beautiful moments, was now destroyed and the best I could do was accept.

Even after that what bothered me the most, at the moment, was that the driver must think I'm an idiot or something… If only he knew the whole story… Every night, when I went to bed I could hear Hassan's words: "For you, a thousand times over.", and I didn't want to forget them but I didn't want to remember them either, I was a really troubled individual… But that just gave me another very good reason to go and talk to Hassan.

I was also guilty for lying to Soraya, she was an amazing woman, beautiful and I really believed for sometime that I loved her, how could I have been so mistaken? I only realized that when it was already too late. I obviously screwed up both our lives. I had always loved somebody else, a person who'd do anything for me "a thousand times over", but would I be able to tell him my true feelings? It wasn't normal, a man loving another and there was a high probability that I'd lose his friendship forever if I told him the truth…

The only light outside was the moon's, the silver-white light relaxed me a little but I was starting to feel sick, I hoped I wouldn't throw up or the driver would hate me even more, and I'd feel even more embarrassed. I decided to sleep.

* * *

The car stopped and I stared at my former home, it looked exactly the same except for a couple of things… The roses Rahim Khan said Hassan had planted, beautiful yellow roses.

I got out of the car, my heart pounding and I hesitated, I didn't know if I asked the driver to take me back or if I paid him and discharged him.

"Are you gonna stand there for the whole day?"

"I'm sorry." I wished I'd thanked him for pulling me back from wherever I'd gone but it would sound strange so I just paid him and thanked him for the ride.

I turned back to the house, was it mine now or Hassan's? We were half-brothers… Another thing I had to tell him, another reason why he shouldn't know about my feelings.

Suddenly, something bumped against my legs and when I looked down I saw a pair of curious eyes, obviously Hassan's son, Sohrab.

The boy tensed and took a few steps back, I felt that if I moved he'd run away, so I took a deep breath and asked:

"Is your father home?" he hesitated but then nodded and ran past me into the house. I didn't dare to move, I only stood there until Hassan came through the door, followed closely by the boy.

When he saw me he stopped and I didn't know if his eyes were shining with rage or happiness until he ran in my direction and hugged me, at that moment, I felt even more guilty, he had never blamed me for anything, how could he stand it? How could he hug me like that knowing what I had done?

"Amir _agha_, you're finally back!" he smiled and I could feel my eyes burning, I had to get a hold on myself.

"We have to talk, Hassan." I managed to say still a little unsure.

"I know." he kept smiling. "Wanna come inside? Or maybe _you _should invite me? This house is yours, Amir _agha_."

"Let's just go, Hassan." he nodded, he always understood, just by looking at me, how I felt and I envied him for that and, of course, I also loved that as everything related to him…

We walked in silence to _baba_'s old office and sat on the old, comfortable sofa. It was so good to be home, the whole country could be destroyed but that house, it was still the cozy house where I'd spent the best years of my life.

"Hassan, I… I…"the words didn't come out but I knew he'd wait for as long as I needed, so I pushed myself further. "There are three important things I need to tell you." I tried to picture myself as a lawyer discussing business, which calmed me down a little.

"Go on, I'm listening." he encouraged me, but honestly those words just made me feel more nervous… I was sweating and fidgeting. I tried to think about the lawyer thing again but I couldn't fool myself, it was Hassan who was sitting in front of me.

"Just a few hours ago I was talking with Rahim Khan… And he told me something that's going to change a lot of things form now on…" my voice sounded insecure and I hated myself for it.

"I know, Amir _agha._" he suddenly said and I lifted my head visibly surprised. "I've always known somehow."

"I'm sorry…" I muttered. "If I had discovered before, I—"

"I wouldn't want things to be different between us." his eyes captured mine and for a second I feared him. "Who guarantees we would've been friends if we knew we were half-brothers?"

"I…I…" I was gapping, so he didn't regret a thing that had happened? That just made me feel worse… Hate me, Hassan, please! Hit me right on the face so that I'll know how much I hurt you in the past! "I'm truly sorry, Hassan. For _everything._" I finally managed to keep serious. "I think you should keep the house and all else."

"But, Amir _agha_!" I got up and he followed.

"You don't need to call me that anymore." I smiled but my heart ached and I had trouble breathing.

"You're going back to the US?" he looked at his feet and that reminded me of when we were kids. Why couldn't I just hug him when I wanted so much?

"It's the best I can do." I paused and took a deep breath. "There's just one place I'd like to go first."

Hassan's head snapped up and I saw that heart melting smile I hadn't seen for ages.

We walked side by side, like we had done so many times before, but now it was different we were no longer ordinary friends we were also brothers and, for me, he was also the one I'd always love. That big old tree stood in front of us, it looked as strong as always and my hands touched the exact place where our inscriptions were, they had almost disappeared but still they resisted.

"You said you had three things to tell me." he suddenly said.

"I'm not very good with numbers, besides I did what I came here for. I apologized."

"Are you sure?" I wished he'd stop reading me! Why wouldn't he let me go with it?

"It's nothing important, really. That's why I gave up telling you."

"I know you, Amir. I still do. So tell me, what is it?"

"I cannot hide anything from you, can I?" I hoped to see him smile and then change the subject but he kept serious. "It's something that has troubled me since we were children… And lately it's been troubling me even more…" I smiled and turned to the tree, that tree knew the whole story, it had been there for so long… It had watched us grow up, it had watched our happy moments, sad moments, angry moments and now it would probably watch the end of it all. "You're not only a man, Hassan, but my half-brother, my best friend and still…" How long would that tree last? I gathered my courage and turned back to him, his expression was unreadable. "and still I love you."

The seconds after I said that seemed longer than the usual and I had time enough to think about what to do next. I walked towards him and hugged him like I waited for so long to do, surprisingly he started crying and I thought he was extremely disappointed with me, that would've been the right thing for him to do.

"Thank you…" he whispered, I wanted to ask him why, why again wasn't he willing to kill me but I didn't dare to move, I couldn't lose the closeness, I couldn't lose his touch, his warmth. "I thought you'd never say it…" he continued. "I waited for so many years." he pulled away and grabbed my face in between his hands pressing our lips together a second later.

His lips were softer than I could have ever imagined and at that single moment all the weight was taken off my soul, I felt as if I was flying. I wanted to enjoy that moment as much as possible because when it were over we'd have a lot to talk about, a lot to plan, a lot to decide…

Somewhere deep inside my head I knew that, for once in my life, I deserved that small taste of happiness.


End file.
